Fancast: dish 'n dat

Seems the networks are crazy (READ: desperate) about webisodes/minisodes/online shorts now that they’ve been abandoned by the writers. This week saw an online Heroes cartoon and an announcement that The Wire has been cartoonified as well. Problem is, is this content interesting at all? And are the unpaid interns or recently promoted custodial staff that created the episodes getting compensated in anything other than jelly beans and pats on the back? Is this really a smart move by the networks? Because from what we’ve seen with previous webisodes created by shows that shall remain nameless, these seem more like half-arsed attempts at filling the empty space left between seasons and end up being only awkward and dull versions of their former selves. Only time will tell how audiences will react.

Keep yourself busy during the downtime watching Heroes and clips from The Wire here at Fancast.

Ok, so am I the only one who notices the spooky resemblance between America's Next Top Model's Saleisha and TLC's departed Lisa "Left Eye" Lopes? Maybe it's the bangs. Either way, I'm totally still rooting for Saleisha after tonight's episode. She just seems so much more...put together and so much less whiny than the other girls (one more tear-filled "I want my mommy" sesh and I'm slitting my wrists). Watch the full episode at Fancast.

On last night’s Gossip Girl, we found out that Serena’s gramm gramm, Cece, is a crazy old coot who nearly caused a rift between Serena and Dan before the Cotillion Ball, and that Nate isn’t the wuss we originally thought after he punches out Carter in the middle of a waltz or whatever they were dancing to. First thought I had was, who in their right mind still attends Cotillion Balls? Are we still waiting for our boys to come back home from the Civil War? My second thought was can a guy’s duds get any cooler than Dan’s stripey emo cardigans, skinny jeans and rudeboy suits? Oh and the music was killer (except for New Republic’s excruciating “Apologize” song with the weird guy crying in the chorus), particularly the little dance number, Secret, by The Pierces which made me run out to the web and look them up. And I am so waiting for Jenny’s breakdown. She has those crazy girl eyes and looks like she’s ready to do something drastic or psychotic to desperately fit in with those Upper East Side peeps. Arrrgg! just push somebody from the ledge and get done with it, Jen.

The Pierces on MySpace
Find Dan’s stripey sweaters (click on Week 2) at Gossip Girl Fashion
Gossip Girl on Fancast

The 50th annual Grammy Award nominations are in: Kanye seems to be leading the pack with 8 noms and Amy Winehouse with 4. Grammy Award for Most Predicted Moment of the Night will probably also go to Kanye when he cries like a baby and thanks his mama and the Big G on the podium. Or maybe to Amy when her skeletal figure stares blankly at the camera with half opened eyes and thanks her hubby Blake for being such a wonderful influence on her. Before she promptly passes out.

I will only mention the nominations that interest me. If you have any interest in the fact that Chaka Khan is still making music or that country music noms are still dominated by artists that were dominating like 25 years ago [yawnfest], you can go see for yourself.

That is all.

Record of the Year
Irreplaceable - Beyoncé
The Pretender - Foo Fighters
Umbrella - Rihanna Featuring Jay-Z
What Goes Around...Comes Around - Justin Timberlake
Rehab - Amy Winehouse

New Artist
Feist (OMG YES!)
Ledisi
Paramore (I once misspelled their names on an article and got called out by 217 of their fans. So I hope they win. For the sake of the safety of the Grammy committee)
Taylor Swift
Amy Winehouse

Electronic/Dance Album
No, this is not your older brother's rave music circa 1995
"We Are The Night" - The Chemical Brothers
"D.A.N.C.E." - Justice (I saw these guys live at an afterparty before they got big. AMAZING)
"Sound Of Silver" - LCD Soundsystem
"We Are Pilots " - Shiny Toy Guns
"Elements Of Life" - Tiësto

Plain White T's Hey There Delilah nominated for Best Song of the Year AND Best Pop Performance, yeah! The show will be broadcast Feb. 10, 2008, on CBS.

I watched too much TV last night and I am still a little batty and incoherent so I think I’ll give you an ADHD version of the lineup. Hang on to your remotes:

At The Office a bat got loose in the office and Dwight feared it had turned Jim into a vampire. It didn't help that Jim started complaining about the crucifix on the wall and the brightness of the lights. Next up, a new Scrubs episode, what? I feel like I haven’t watched a new episode since the early 2000’s. Dr. Bob Kelso stuffing cupcakes into his mouth in every scene after winning a cupcake raffle, Janitor hiding his stuffed squirrels to land a normal lady, and the whole gang fighting over top placement on a rate your doctor website that has striking similarities to MySpace. Woa, has MySpace infiltrated every inch of prime time TV? Because on ABC, Barbara Walters was interviewing MySpace’s Tom Anderson and Chris DeWolfe for her 10 Most Interesting People of 2007. She created a MySpace page! Omg add Babs on MySpace. I think she has 'Mo Money Mo Problems' as her profile song because Babs has many problems and much money. Other notables include Justin Timberlake, Katherine Heigl and the Beckhams.

Phew! That was more like Ritalin on Crack, sippin on a Frappuccino.

Don’t tell any of my friends, but I’m a sucker for Martha Stewart. Now that I can watch daytime TV (hey, it’s my job) I haven’t been able to get enough of this fierce and cool lady at Martha. Today featured Caroline Kennedy plugging her Christmas book and showcasing Martha Washington’s special cake recipe. I was ready to give the recipe a try when I realized that it calls for 10 large eggs! And a pound of sugar! (and did she say something about 40 egg whites?? No wonder colonials only lived to see 40). Martha also mentioned the creepy fact that Neil Diamond wrote the song Caroline about her…and said it was cute. Is she forgetting that Caroline was like ten years old at the time?

Ingredients are below, check out the instructions

Serves 12 to 16
• Nonstick cooking spray with flour
• 10 large eggs, separated
• Pinch of salt
• 1 pound unsalted butter, room temperature
• 1 pound sugar
• 1 1/4 pounds all-purpose flour
• 2 1/2 teaspoons ground mace
• 2 1/2 teaspoons freshly ground nutmeg
• 3 1/2 ounces raisins
• 2 ounces sliced almonds
• 2 large apples, peeled, cored, and chopped
• 1 large pear, peeled, cored, and chopped
• 2 ounces white wine, preferably chardonnay or pinot gris
• 2 ounces cognac

Daniel Vosovic's collection for NYLO will soon hit the markets and you can catch a sneak peak over at Blogging Project Runway. Don’t get me wrong, I love me some of Daniel’s designs, and this is something I would totally rock (it’s simple and chic), but don’t they kind of reek of prep school confidential? Or like something that you might see on Gossip Girl?

What do you think? Prep school chic or straight to detention bleh?

Check out some of Daniel's other designs over at Project Runway episodes offered by Fancast.

"IF you're not nice to the waiter, you're out. And you're not just out. I might kick your a--. The idea of dating makes me want to vomit."

"I ordered walkie-talkie watches from the Sharper Image catalog because sometimes I want to talk to someone who’s in a different room in my house. And I make my roommate wear one, and sometimes I’ll just be like, “Hey, bring the orange juice upstairs!” or whatever. That may not be what you’d think a typical 27-year-old woman would be into. [Laughs.] I have fierce running charade parties - full-contact running charades. You can move furniture, you can use the dogs as booby traps. There is clotheslining. Pretty much anything goes. I have no furniture in my front living room because I like to have dance parties or headstand contests."

"I very recently stepped into my body as a woman. Before, it was, “Hey, you can wear a bathing suit in a photo shoot and that would be cute and everyone will like it.” And I was like, “Me? I should be in overalls or something cool like that.” Um, thank God for airbrushing. [Eats cookie.]"

Kristen Bell to Complex Magazine

Bones is one of my favorite shows, partly because come on, where can you find topics cooler than bones, surgically removed kneecaps and gory crash scenes? (okay, my idea of fun may be a little different than yours). I recently got a chance to chat with Ken Jordan, one half of the duo that makes up Crystal Method, one of the most prolific and pioneering electronic music bands in the industry, and the ones responsible for the very cool theme music at the beginning of each Bones episode. He let me in on the reasons they decided to collaborate with Bones producers, on Vegas (his new 10th Anniversary release) and on his favorite episodes that he's been catching on Fancast:

We did two other tv series in the past—one was Third Watch that ran for a long time and one was a show called Hawaii. So when both those were off the air, we wanted something else going, so the producers of the show contacted us—we had a conference call, got a really good feel for the show and worked on it for a while and came up with the Bones theme. We made this specifically for Bones; which is something that we haven’t really done for any other show. My favorites are:

1. The Santa in the Slush; This is probably my favorite episode because I just really like Christmas. It’s a happy and giving time. Bones has to kiss Special Agent Booth under the mistletoe and you can tell they're into each other. [Watch it on Fancast]

2. The Intern in the Incinerator: Watch it

3. The Boy in the Time Capsule: Watch it

Catch the Crystal Method's current release, the two-disc Vegas (Deluxe Edition), which signals the tenth anniversary of their debut album, and listen to Ken and Scott live every Friday night over at Indie 103.1.

The Crystal Method's website and MySpace page

In anticipation of LC's announcement that she will be adopting baby twins from Zimbabwe on tonight's The Hills (just kidding. Maybe), munch on Mila Kunis and James Franco's eerie and disturbingly funny rendition of Audrina and Justin Bobby, to show what tv has in store for us if the writers keep on striking. Literally. Like yeah. Like. Totally. Then watch the new episode tonight.

The Hills
Monday, December 10, 10:00PM
CH 013 MTV New

Chris Angel mesmerized Oprah’s loyal followers today with his “part rock star, part illusionist” act (yeah, we got that straight from Oprah’s website), where he uh, mesmerizingly managed to pick the correct styrofoam cup so as to not get shanked by the switchblade underneath AND made a skank spectator from the OC disappear (wouldn’t we all like to manage the second feat?). He is quick to compare himself to Houdini, but I beg to differ, because at times he reminds me more of a cross between the Brootal Kid and the Generic “Emo” Boy over at YourSceneSucks.com, Nikki Sixx from Motley Crue, maybe with a little bit of Snoop Dogg (by way of the diamond earrings he was sporting. Random!). Either way when he emerged from the Houdini straightjacket he looked more like Sideshow Bob.

Eric Dane also graced the set to share his choice of Best Burrito on Earth, which happens to be Yuca's on Hillhurst Avenue, where Mama Yuca said to the camera, “We didn’t know him as McSteamy, we knew him as “Mr Carne Asada".

Over at EW’s Pop Watch, Marc Bernadin talks about shows he’d like to bring back! And he has a catchy (albeit dated) title! (You Say You Want a TV Resurrection?) Anyhoo, I’ve gone ahead and done Marc a little favor and dug up the shows' listings (we can do that at Fancast!). His favorites include:

Firefly
Serenity
Friday, December 14 7:00PM
CH 060 SCIFI
Serenity's captain agrees to transport several passengers while flying under the ruling government's radar.

The Train Job
Friday, December 14 9:00PM
CH 060 SCIFI
The crew members aboard a small transport ship face challenges in the wake of an interstellar war 800 years in the future.

Bushwacked
Friday, December 14 10:00PM
CH 060 SCIFI
When Mal and the others overtake an abandoned ship, they fear the crew has been slaughtered by the Reavers.

MORE at fancast

Profit (which looks suspiciously like American Psycho)
--Only on DVD

Nowhere Man--Only on DVD

Some of the shows that I would love to have back include Freaks and Geeks, whose cast reads like a who's who of today's film stars; Doogie Howser, M.D., a show that was my childhood obsession (the cheesy midi theme song at the beginning made me want to be a computer geek for some reason) and Buffy!

The ladies of The View welcomed Lauren Ambrose today, to talk about her new film Starting in the Evening, where she shares the screen again with Lili Taylor of Six Feet Under (another show I’d love to have back). We’ve been a fan of Lauren ever since Can’t Hardly Wait, where she played the dorky alterna-girl who was actually cute and funny, and she literally turned me into a Six Feet Under nut. Ok, maybe her hunky on screen brother played by Peter Krause, may have had a hand in that too. Which reminds me, I have to start getting into Dirty Sexy Money! I need to buy a DVR! Other gems of today’s show include least favorite pop star of 2007, James Blunt, trying to change the subject when Joy asked him about all the ladies he’s been seen around town with, and was that Barbara Walters really saying “They told me on the phone I had to leave a message on the internet”? Oh Babs, your improper and random statements keep me glued to your show. I heart The View! Somebody shoot me.

I know it’s kind of late for a The Hills recap of last night’s show, but I have a good excuse (see the post below). So without further adieu, give it up for my own two cents, and keep in mind the EW expose that surfaced this morning:

Lisa Love’s “I think Lauren had her chance to go to Paris” comment must have been the cattiest comment of the night! (actually comes close to the “Oh you spent your summer vacationing with your boyfriend instead of Paris? How did that work out?). Save the drama for your mama Lisa, this show is not about you so stop hogging the mean! Also, how cool is Whitney? She’s kind of been the nice chick you share your cubicle with who has something about her that you can’t quite put your finger on, but it’s something that makes you want to swap outfits with and go to Le Deux together. Lauren is for once not being a boy-crazed ingénue and she chooses to go to Paris instead of staying for the sake of Brody (wasn’t there a Dawson’s Creek episode kind of like this? Did they think we would forget?). Go LC! It’s your Birthday! Who needs boys when you’ve got Paris and Teen Vogue and fashiooonnnnn! Somehow, we picture her throwing a hat up in the air in the middle of a French courtyard a la Mary Tyler Moore. LC, you're gonna make it after all!

Living in Los Angeles you reach the understanding that there are certain celebs that tend to just kind of “hang out” for a living. These are “celebs” who spend endless days and nights drinking in the clubs and bars of Hollywood. These are celebs you’re bound to run into, or meet or have your entire liquor cabinet raided by one of the rehabbing ladies, who shall remain nameless. This is why I am particularly looking forward to Celebrity Rehab on VH1; because, if you live in Los Angeles, and you cross over once in a while to that side of the city, you’re bound to 1) get nearly run over by one, 2) get nearly attacked by one 3) sit in a booth near one and be forced to listen to their drunken antics, 4) get befriended by one, go shopping together at Forever 21 like normal girls, and then have all your expensive champagne stolen by one particularly crazy lady in this current cycle of the show. Particularly embarrassing? Yes, but also kind of sad and signifying the evils of drinking and drugs and excess. As funny as the show might seem, lets wish this current cast well. But if you see one of them out at the Grove or at a Supermarket, run the other way as fast as you can.

The show premieres January 10th at 10pm. Part of the press release follows:

This series will follow the real-life experiences of Brigitte Nielsen, Chyna, Daniel Baldwin, Jeff Conaway, Jessica Sierra, Jaimee Foxworth, Seth "Shifty" Binzer, Mary Carey, and Ricco Rodriguez as they undergo detoxification and treatment at a center in the Los Angeles area. While these celebrity patients may be accustomed to receiving special treatment in their everyday lives, they were in for a major surprise when they entered this no-frills treatment facility. Dr. Drew was aided in the process by his experienced and trusted staff of counselors, including registered nurses and other addiction experts.

Is it just me, or has Jimmy Kimmel been looking mighty sleepy and in dire need of rest in this week's Jimmy Kimmel Live reruns? With his eyes all slinky and sleepy as he looked at the camera, you kind of wondered why Sarah hasn't forced him to take pre-show naps.

Last night, Jimmy McBlinkie Kimmel interviewed Seth Green (swoon) and Ashley Jensen.

Who do stars like Rachel McAdams, Jennifer Love Hewitt and Kate Hudson call when they want to catch the latest movie flick in peace? Francis, one of the head honchos over at ArcLight Cinemas in Hollywood. We got a change to chat with this mysterious man behind the theater curtain and found out that when he's not steering celebs away from paparazzi, or accompanying them down the red carpet during the latest film premiere, he loves watching these same stars on TV. I asked him to talk about who his favorite female TV stars are (most of whom he's met!) and he was more than happy to share with us.

Agree? Disagree? Talk amongst yourselves. Discuss.

American Idol is bringing it back old school; for charity, that is. Last season was so star-studded and brought in such a staggering amount of funds for the foundation ($75 million!) that the new season will usher in a new installment, planned for April. If last season's performances and guest stars are any indication of what's in store this time around (Annie Lennox! Celine Dion! Bono! Tom Cruise! Keira Knightley! Hugh Grant! Gwyneth Paltrow! Holy cow!) we can probably expect Brangelina and the President of the United States to host this next time around.

X Files. Agent Scully. Pride and Prejudice. Daniel Radcliffe. PBS. At the risk of sounding kind of nerdy, these are a few of my favorite things! And they will all come together for a revamped "Mini" installment of Masterpiece Theatre in January, hosted by Gillian Anderson. Looks like she'll be taking on Mansfield Park, Sense and Sensibility and Emma, at The Complete Jane Austin, with guest stars like Daniel Radcliffe and Judi Dench.

KITT is back! And he's better than ever! Uh...Maybe? A state of the art Ford Mustang Shelby GT500KR was unveiled this morning at the NBC lot in Burbank, and hailed as the updated face of Knight Rider in a new made-for-TV film based on the show that made The Hoff famous and thus made a decade of red-clad bikini TV possible.

Does the new KITT look cool? meh, kind of. It's a standard Ford; so very ordinary, as opposed to the Pontiac Trans Am that was the original incarnation. E! News (and possibly every other entertainment blog out there) talks about the disappointment some fans and bloggers have voiced out over the drastic change and truthfully, I can't say I blame them. When I first heard the news a few weeks back, I was surprised they had picked a car with no real 'wow' factor. Talking to my bf about it, we decided the best possible option is a Dodge 2008 Challenger, a car that's been getting so much fanfare that the first few limited editions have been selling like hot cakes to those on a waiting list (large, heavy, powerful and expensive hot cakes. How expensive? Like $20,000 over the sticker price. How do I know? My bf is on the list! And he can't stop talking about it!). I mean just say it out loud: Challenger. How much tougher can a car sound? And the engine? Jesus, do you even have to ask?

Ford mustangs...were...cool...once. Now the road belongs to the Challenger. The new KITT should just hit the road.

(and yes, my Dad is going to kill me for this one. He is a Ford man)

Charlie Murphy at a taping of BET's 106 & Park. A man single-handedly responsible (okay he may have had help from Dave Chappelle) for making us think of Rick James and instantly LOL (as opposed to cringing at his sordid past). It's a celebration b*tches!

The Golden Globes were announced this morning, waaaaay too early in the morning (I tried to wake up. I swear). Before most other blogs start bitching and wining about who was left out, why their favorite shows were snubbed, why there is a secret The Riches conspiracy, I'll throw in my two cents, so quickly and incoherently that it'll hit you in the face like a bag of pennies. Click on each title to watch the shows on Fancast.

1) Who watches Big Love? Not me, or anybody I know. Should we be watching this?
2) Why was the name The Riches even uttered? It's to distract the public from the war, isn't it? Isn't it!?!!
3) Where are the rest of The Sopranos nominations? Doesn't the committee know the dangers of pissing off the most dangerous fanbase in the history of television: the mob? And by MOB I mean the Moms of Brentwood. Yes. Soccermoms are brutal here in SoCal.
4) Best Television Series nom going to Pushing Daisies, huh? I liked the show better back when it was a movie called Amelie.
5) Best Performance by an Actress? Love all the nominees! Want them all to win!
6) Best Performance by an Actor? Stop giving incentives to Alec Baldwin to continue breathing. I would rather random Ricky Gervais win than Baldwin's giant ego to overtake the entire stage. Oh! Steve Carrell, how we love thee!
7) Heroes, what?
8) Only one nom for Ugly Betty?

15. BEST TELEVISION SERIES – DRAMA

1. BIG LOVE (HBO)
Anima Sola and Playtone Productions in association with HBO Entertainment
2. DAMAGES (FX NETWORKS)
FX Productions and Sony Pictures Television
3. GREY’S ANATOMY (ABC)
ABC Studios
4. HOUSE (FOX)
Heel and Toe Films, Shore Z Productions and Bad Hat Harry Productions in association with Universal Media Studios
5. MAD MEN (AMC)
Lionsgate Television
6. THE TUDORS (SHOWTIME)
Showtime/Peace Arch Entertainment/Working Title/Reveille Productions Limited/An Ireland-Canada Co-Production

16. BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A TELEVISION SERIES – DRAMA

1. PATRICIA ARQUETTE – MEDIUM
2. GLENN CLOSE – DAMAGES
3. MINNIE DRIVER – THE RICHES
4. EDIE FALCO – THE SOPRANOS
5. SALLY FIELD – BROTHERS & SISTERS
6. HOLLY HUNTER – SAVING GRACE
7. KYRA SEDGWICK – THE CLOSER

17. BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A TELEVISION SERIES – DRAMA

1. MICHAEL C. HALL – DEXTER
2. JON HAMM – MAD MEN
3. HUGH LAURIE – HOUSE
4. JONATHAN RHYS MEYERS – THE TUDORS
5. BILL PAXTON – BIG LOVE

18. BEST TELEVISION SERIES – COMEDY OR MUSICAL

1. 30 ROCK (NBC)
Universal Media Studios in association with Broadway Video and Little Stranger - Inc.
2. CALIFORNICATION (SHOWTIME)
Showtime Presents in association with Aggressive Mediocrity, and Then…, Twilight Time Films
3. ENTOURAGE (HBO)
Leverage and Closest to the Hole Productions in association with HBO Entertainment
4. EXTRAS (HBO)
BBC and HBO Entertainment
5. PUSHING DAISIES (ABC)
Living Dead Guy Productions, The Jinks/Cohen Company in association with Warner Bros. Television

19.BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A TELEVISION SERIES –COMEDY OR MUSICAL

1. CHRISTINA APPLEGATE – SAMANTHA WHO?
2. AMERICA FERRERA – UGLY BETTY
3. TINA FEY – 30 ROCK
4. ANNA FRIEL – PUSHING DAISIES
5. MARY-LOUISE PARKER – WEEDS

20. BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A TELEVISION SERIES – COMEDY OR MUSICAL

1. ALEC BALDWIN – 30 ROCK
2. STEVE CARELL – THE OFFICE
3. DAVID DUCHOVNY – CALIFORNICATION
4. RICKY GERVAIS – EXTRAS
5. LEE PACE – PUSHING DAISIES

24. BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A SERIES, MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION

1. ROSE BYRNE – DAMAGES
2. RACHEL GRIFFITHS – BROTHERS & SISTERS
3. KATHERINE HEIGL – GREY’S ANATOMY
4. SAMANTHA MORTON – LONGFORD
5. ANNA PAQUIN – BURY MY HEART AT WOUNDED - KNEE
6. JAIME PRESSLY – MY NAME IS EARL

25. BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A SERIES, MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION

1. TED DANSON – DAMAGES
2. KEVIN DILLON – ENTOURAGE
3. JEREMY PIVEN – ENTOURAGE
4. ANDY SERKIS – LONGFORD
5. WILLIAM SHATNER – BOSTON LEGAL
6. DONALD SUTHERLAND – DIRTY SEXY MONEY

On CSI: New York last night, Essex Palmer, 29 year old internet entrepreneur (internetpreneur?) gets half his mouth blown off by an exploding cigar straight out of Laughing Larry’s hijinx shop. Is Laughing Larry also a Murdering Larry? Danny stupidly looses sight of the neighborhood kid he’s watching during a robbery (yeah, when shots ring out, tell the kid to peddle as fast as he can through the streets of New York by himself. Sharp cop). It’s then Danny’s responsibility to give the horrible news to the mom. Turns out a stupid gun-toting bystander accidentally shot the little kid. Who killed the happy web 2.0 yuppie? A weirdo comic book geekazoid who had a bone to pick with Laughing Larry, who accidentally drowned his playmate in elementary school because of one of Larry's faulty magic tricks. Turns out he’s now responsible for another accidental death. Nice going, homeboy.

Next week, Wendy dies while Tinkerbell watches? The CSI crew goes on the search for Captain Hook? OMG. Have. To. Watch. Episode. Next. Week.

In the meantime, catch more episodes at Fancast.

I will now attempt to recall the entire episode of Crowned: The Mother of All Pageants as though I have Tourette Syndrome. I will randomly blurt out inappropriate comments, spurred only by my thoughts about the lovely contestants.

THE SETUP:
Linnea, the Pageant Director first explained that there will be a problem if they don’t listen to direction, setting the stage for drunken punches and naked pole dancing sessions. Oh wait, wrong show.

THE LADIEZ:
Melinda (the mom) had a kidney transplant, but, you know, she’s been living life to the fullest; Pamela and Felicia, eating, looking like sisters. Drinking. Eating. And still eating. They were called “star wars chics” by the other ladies. Note to self. Pamela and Felicia are awesome. Jennifer and daughter have lost their dad/husband to a helicopter crash. VIOLINS. Andrea an Amanda are The Competitive Ones. Amanda “doesn’t need to make friends, especially when $100,000 are involved.” Patty and Laura were eating their own separate food, refusing to share what's in the fridge. EATING DISORDER. Patty and Laura: “I don’t think [Gina and Hollis] are a definite non-competition. I don’t think they are pretty. We have an edge because of our beauty and our fun personality”. SCARECROW. We then met Ada and Christian. When Christian was 14, she was “running around with the wrong crowd” so her mom sent her away to Girls Town for behavior treatment. HOODRAT. FIGHTS ON THE SHOW.

THE COMPETITION:
The moms and daughter teams had to then pick an outfit and an identity and present it to the judges. Brenda and Heather pick “Blonde Bombshells”. UNIQUE. Andrea and Amanda pick “Reigning A’s”, although at first I thought they had picked “Raining Aids”. Annette and Alana pick “Silent But Deadly”. GAS. Pamela and Felicia pick “Tomboy Queens". Then we met the judges: Former beauty queen and Travis Barker's baby mama Shanna Moakler, fashion and beauty guru Carson Kressley of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, “TV personality and author” (her words, not mine) Cynthia Garrett and the 3 criteria of judging: Originality, presentation and first impression.

THE JUDGING:
Patty and Laura: Laura was in a weird sparkly bikini. Laura said she had ultra high metabolism, which is why she's so skinny. She also kind of acts like she’s on crack. Awesome Carson asked if she drinks a lot of caffeine. “I’m naturally dramatic. Hahahahaha. Hahahaha. Haha.” PSYCHO.
Brenda and Heather, the Blonde Bombshells then said they are going places and that they signify “A lady who is smart. And intelligent” possibly not understanding that smart and intelligent are synonyms.
Gina and Hollis are “The Dream Gals”. They are sooo NY, even though they are from Texas. They love each other. And I love them too! They sang a showtune or something. LIZA MINELLI.
The Diamond Dolls and are obsessed with shopping malls, because “Diamonds are sparkly and fun and we love bling”. Mom started crying. VIOLINS. MALLRATS.
Felicia and Pamela were the Tomboy Queens dressed in army duds. Carson couldn't believe his eyes.
Jill and Nicole were the Sassy Sisters. They look more like sisters, which is weird. SASSY CREEPIES.

DESASHING CEREMONY:
Here, the moms were forced to sacrifice their daughters to the God of Pageants by piercing them with a pair of diamond-encrusted scissors. Just kidding. BUT THE SHOW HAS LEFT ME WITH MURDEROUS FEELINGS.

The Blonde Bombshells were desashed, and all is right with the world.

Live from Los Angeles, Brad Pitt looked all cute and worried and talked about his Make it Right foundation over at In The Loop with Ivillage. Said he is spending the holidays in New Orleans, but things got kind of awkward and uncomfortable when the gang brought up Angelina's Golden Globe nomination. After the question, he didn't really respond, and then they all kind of talked over each other. Eraka looked confused. Brad then smiled and crossed his arms. Was it those weird glitchy satellites?

Kat Von D, venerable Hollywood Tattoo Queen and purveyor of rockstar style at LA Ink and Miami Ink, announced she will attempt to break the Guinness World Record for most tattoos done in a 24 hour period. Tomorrow! For all of you die-hard Kat Von D'istas who will be in LA this Friday, the event will kick off at noon and will continue throughout Saturday, and will involve the super cool "LA" logo above. God help the poor folks who'll get tattooed at the most tattoo-unfriendly hour of 3am.

DATE/TIME:
Friday, December 14th, 2007 at 12 noon until noon Saturday 15th

LOCATION:
High Voltage Tattoo/LA Ink
1259 N. La Brea Ave.
W. Hollywood, CA 90038

If you're heading out, Kat outlines the requirements:

1. Each tattoo is to measure a minimum of 1.25 x 3 inches.
2. Each tattoo must have a minimum of 2 colors.
3. The attempt must be overseen by 2 independent persons, with experience in tattoo techniques. Only tattoos satisfying these 2 judges count towards the total.
4. The event is continuos. Rest breaks may be taken at will, but THE CLOCK DOES NOT STOP.
5. The record is not limited to 1 tattoo per person. (so you can get more than 1 tattoo)
6. Theres is no restriction on the location of each tattoo.
7. The total should not include any tattoo not completed at the end of the time period.
8. All people getting tattooed must be 18 with ID.

So with that in mind, I'm gonna be doing an "LA" tattoo logo that was approved by Guinness, on anyone who wants to be a part of this!!

Do you watch Real Housewives of Orange County? Nope, neither do I. But apparently, Bravo thinks we do, and also decided that we need more rich, batty, crazy moms on TV because it is announcing a new similarly-themed show: Manhattan Moms.

The cable network said Thursday that it has started production on a docudrama series tentatively titled "Manhattan Moms," which follows an eclectic group of New York-based socialites and their families.

The hour-long series will take a look at the real-life drama of this exclusive society, from their overscheduled lives of private schools, charity events and running businesses to escaping to their summer homes in the Hamptons.

While this Oedipus-themed decision seems repetitive given the current crops of reality shows that focus on moms, I can understand the logic behind it. Neither Rain, Nor Sleet, Nor Hail Nor the WGA strikes will keep rich upper crust mums with nothing better to do but pick up the kids, order the maids around and hide their sorrows away in a glass of merlot, away from their chance to embarrass themselves on TV and have their own 15 minutes of fame. So precisely because of that, networks will always have a steady supply of show ideas.

This week's The Hills had Lauren ready to jet set to Paris, where, if reports are true, MTV encourages her to hook up with a French scenester named Matthias of the band Rock & Roll (most original band name EVER!). Well People has snagged a photo of the new guy, and places it side by side next to Brody "Bro" Jenner, and asks readers to sound off on "who's cuter". But is it just me, or are they both carbon copies of each other? Matthias being the scruffier, harrier, slighter less unkempt version of Brody? This leads me to the conclusion that the "evil twin brother" urban myth is true! Brody has an evil French twin who's going around being all hip and artistic with his French accent and snagging all of Brody's ladies. Oh how I cannot wait for the new season.

Sacre Bleu! and what's this?! We found his band on MySpace! They are like The Strokes, but hairier and with accents. I gotta admit, they are total Silverlake-by-way-of-Ile-De-France cute though. Good job, LC. You make your girls back home proud. Rocker guys are way cooler (and sweeter) than boring beachie/yuppie types. I should know. I've got one of my own.

No. Not the internet tubes. The TV tubes. I'll be running around several parties, trying to gather fun content for this blog, and I haven't yet found a DVR I like, so I'll have to rely on you, readers, to watch the shows I would have liked to watch myself:

Smallville
CW New
8:00PM
Even though it's Christmas, things don't slow down for the Winchester brothers. They do, however, take on a distinctly macabre holiday flavor: Sam and Dean investigate a series of murders in which the victims were pulled up through the chimney by what apparently is the anti-Claus. In the meantime, Dean wants to celebrate what is supposed to be his last Christmas on Earth in a big way, but Sam refuses to let him, because he won't accept the idea that Dean is going to die. — Rick Toy at TV Guide

Law and Order: Criminal Intent
USA New
10:00PM
Major Case takes a midseason break following tonight's episode, and Logan and Falacci really need one after this investigation. Three college teens, locals who made good, are found shot in an economically depressed neighborhood, and the clues begin to paint a shocking and unsettling picture: The crime was random and pointless. The emotionally charged situation takes a toll on the community as well as the detectives as the truth is revealed. Ben Vereen and Daphne Rubin-Vega guest-star. — Jeanette Martin at TV Guide

30 Rock
NBC New
9:00PM
Also gets into the season when the TGS gang congregate for their annual Ludachristmas Party. With apologies to Seinfeld's Festivus, Ludachristmas boasts its own traditions, such as The Human Table and Horny Santa --TheStar.com

What Perez Sez About 2007
VH1
10 pm/ET
We know the producers of this show. Perhaps they might make a cameo in this blog one of these days?

Saturday Night Live Christmas
NBC Repeat
10:00PM
2 words for you: Schweddy Balls

Has anybody noticed the awkward blurring of reality versus fiction in the last few episodes of 30 Rock? Gawker does. They point out the ironical (I know it's not a word, but I know it pisses a few of my friends off so I use it. Often) episode last night where Tracy Jordan is forced to wear an alcohol-detecting bracelet, and remind us that Tracy Morgan has had several similar run ins with the law. Last week's episode had Tracy throwing diva-like hissy fits. Think the real Tracy Morgan required such coddling during his time on SNL?

AFI has announced their official Trendy List of Anything That Involves Ugly Betty to Boost Interest and PR appeal in AFI...I mean, their list of best programs of the year...The list includes 2 trendy "staple" shows, a few great Golden Globe nominees, and one super funny show that's been kind of under-rated lately. The list follows:

DEXTER

EVERYBODY HATES CHRIS