Fancast: dish 'n dat

E! Online gets all deep today, when Kristen from West Bloomfield, Michigan asks E! Online’s Answer Bitch a telling question:

Why is it that physical features usually associated with African-American women are suddenly "so exotic" and "stunning" on white or Latina actresses? Examples: J.Lo's ass or Scarlett Johansson's lips. Janet Jackson's butt has been amazing for years, and she doesn't get all that hoopla!

As a result, The Answer Bitch turns un-bitchy and academic (which is super cool in our book) by suggesting that this inherent phenomenon has been alive and well since Bo Derek’s cornrows in 1979, which the media tagged as shocking and innovative, and can be traced forward to David Beckham’s “suddenly spectacular” braids. This tendency, she adds, marginalizes African Americans because by overlooking their contributions to style or beauty, it is technically ignoring them.

The truth behind your query is sad and embarrassing: In every society, the majority group sets the beauty standards. In America, that would be white people. And—the Oprah and her bazillion-dollar empire notwithstanding—white people still run the media. Their values become America's values. And that includes standards of beauty. By praising Scarlett's "exotic" lips, the media is basically "marginalizing black people," says African-American blogger and publicist Manny Otiko. "The media is saying, We are not going to pay attention to this feature until a white person has it."

Other examples that spring to mind for us include Kim Kardashian's bum, Angelina Jolie’s lips and about half of the Victoria’s Secret Models (sans their booties of course, because as we all know, models have absolutely no booty).

Nobel winner Doris Lessing's acceptance speech was all about kids not reading books and the decline of western civilization as we know it. The culprit? Gossip Girl, blogs, lolcats, and social networking sites such as My Space:

We are in a fragmenting culture, where our certainties of even a few decades ago are questioned and where it is common for young men and women who have had years of education, to know nothing about the world, to have read nothing, knowing only some specialty or other, for instance, computers.

What has happened to us is an amazing invention, computers and the internet and TV, a revolution. This is not the first revolution we, the human race, has dealt with. The printing revolution, which did not take place in a matter of a few decades, but took much longer, changed our minds and ways of thinking. A foolhardy lot, we accepted it all, as we always do, never asked "What is going to happen to us now, with this invention of print?" And just as we never once stopped to ask, How are we, our minds, going to change with the new internet, which has seduced a whole generation into its inanities so that even quite reasonable people will confess that once they are hooked, it is hard to cut free, and they may find a whole day has passed in blogging and blugging etc.

While I respect the quaint and dainty sensibilities of previous generations, I can't say I agree. The internet has opened up the world to a whole new generation of young people; we are now connected in a way we have never been before, with access to information that 20 years ago was well beyond our reach. We are able to collaborate globally and locally, and innovate in the formulation of ideas and projects in ways that have been, up to this point, unheard of. If anything, this proliferation of communication has fostered a newfound love for the written word, whether the word comes from books or a webpage (um, Harry Potter, anyone?). I, for one, would have not known about Doris Lessing had it not been for my trusted RSS reader, Wikipedia and google.

Besides, the internet is responsible for Gossip Girl (books and blogging), The upcoming Quarterlife (video blogging and MySpace! from the creators of My So Called Life!) and last week's episode of Scrubs. Nancy Drew, Oliver Twist and Pride and Prejudice have got nothin' on that.

And, by the way, what's blugging and where do I sign up? (Is it compatible with Vista?)

Who's busier this holiday than Santa Claus? The amazing folks at your local Postal Service! Not only are they busy making sure that Christmas cards and gifts get to your house on time, but their Secret Santa program brightens up children's lives each year by designating a special team to personally answer letters to Santa and organize toy drives so that needy families get what they need this season, as described by this touching Boston Herald piece on the Secret Santa Program:

Postal employees work closely with social workers, church leaders, neighborhood organizations and other volunteers to match families with anonymous donors dubbed Secret Santas who fulfill family wishlists.

Amid pleas for iPods, Bratz dolls and Nintendo Wii gaming systems, a single mother with a newborn preemie still in the hospital asks her Secret Santa for a baby basket.

“A (Winnie-the-Pooh) bassinet, or any other bassinet would be greatly appreciated as I have nothing for her to sleep in when she comes home (from the hospital).”

And a legally blind single father of four writes, “My meager . . . monthly income is not enough to fulfill their dreams this year. That is why I am kindly asking Secret Santa to help me bring smiles to their faces again.”

Amidst this busy holiday season we got a chance to talk to these Christmas heroes and asked the ladies of the Canoga Park Post Office (including my mom!) what they are watching on TV. They were more than happy to oblige.

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If there was any doubt in your mind that Big Brother is watching, this news is sure to put those doubts to rest. Big Brother is not only watching, but attempting to coax you into spending spending spending on that slab of meat, Costco-sized box of Mac N Cheese, brand new ultra high efficiency Kenmore dishwasher (its greeeeen!), all with your Visa card while attending a house party on Second Life.

According to IAG Research, the most effective placements on TV in 2007 — meaning viewer opinion of the company was dramatically enhanced because of the tie-in — were Tyson Foods (for donating a massive amount of meat in an episode of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition) and Sue Bee Honey and Soft Scrub (both for The Apprentice: Los Angeles). Also making the Top 10: Kraft (No. 4) and Kenmore (No. 10) for Top Chef, Visa (No. 9) for What Not to Wear, and Second Life (No. 8) for The Office. IAG also researched how well viewers recalled brand names within 24 hours of seeing them in a placement and a commercial together during an episode. Bluefly.com was the most memorable with its Project Runway tie-in, followed by Jeep on Gilmore Girls(!), and Ford on Survivor: Fiji. [EW]

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go fork over cash for the Jeep that looks suspiciously like Rory Gilmore's ride. For no reason at all. Really.

Our compadre over at The Big Picture is filling you in on the juicy behind-the-scenes of the WGA strike. Here I like to instead fill you in on the behind-the-scenes behind-the-scenes goings on, like the interesting email pitch that Fishbowl LA received today from an opportunistic nutritionist (really, aren't all nutritionists in LA opportunistic? isn't that, you know, kind of an oxymoron?):

We get weird story pitches in our in-box all the time. Most of the time, we just trash them, but here's one we couldn't pass up: Healthy Eating Tips for the Hollywood Writers!

From the press release:

With the Writers' Strike entering its seventh week, many out of work writers are finding it difficult to fill the time. With the heavy holiday eating and lack of a steady schedule, it is hard for some to keep off unwanted pounds and avoid the temptation of becoming a coach potato. So why not let this extra time off be a chance to slim down and get into great shape!

How I managed to miss this piece of news last year is beyond me, but I will repeat it with glee and shall call it possibly the coolest news of 2007. On an August episode of The Colbert Report, the cheeky host managed to make TV history by logging on to Wikipedia and making changes to his own entry (a major no no with the Wiki nerds...I mean Wiki admins) and encouraging tv audience members to pull up the entry on elephants and add that their population had tripled in six months.

Scores of internet users took Colbert's bait, repeatedly vandalizing approximately 20 articles on elephants before all being placed under a lock. The move also subsequently caused Wikipedia administrator Tawker to block Stephen Colbert from the website, reportedly to verify his identity. Either Tawker is incapable of checking the above log times that corroborate Colbert, or, more likely, he just wants to be mentioned on Stephen's show (as evidenced by his notes on the block and blog entry).

Wikipedia mass mutiny! It was all part of Colbert's master plan! And they all fell for it! Ahh the internets. What's next? John Stewart terrorizing the Youtubes??

Arrests will probably be carried out in the case of the itchy scratchy Miss Puerto Rico, who stunned the world with her tail--err--tale of the pepper-spray drenched pageant gown. Turns out the pageant's security director and the catwalk coordinator may be the culprits, and San Juan police are indicating that arrests are upcoming. Is it just me, or does this story sound like a scene ripped out of Sandra Bullock's Miss Congeniality, or Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous? Either way, hi jinx are sure to somehow ensue when a lanky CIA agent poses as a contestant in order to foil the duo's next plot, only to be sidetracked by her handsome sidekick.

John Leguizamo is the proud recipient of...The John Leguizamo Award for Bad Acting? Wait, is it ethical to give an award to the person the award is named after? Who really cares, coz it's the Lazzies! Latina magazine's equivalent of the Razzies: noms given to actors and TV shows who are very un-deserving of an actual award, like an Oscar or a Golden Globe or a Razzie. Ladies and gentlemen, without further adieu, I give you a full rundown of the probably very proud winners:

The Latina.com Lazzie Awards: Worst Fauxtino (Movies)
Giovanna Mezzogiorno, Love in the Time of Cholera. This Italian actress snagged the role of a lifetime: playing Javier Bardem's unrequited love in the film adaptation of the classic novel. Too bad her performance was plagued by bad acting.

The Latina.com Lazzie Awards: Worst Fauxtino (TV)
Adrian Grenier, Entourage. We wouldn't be surprised if Pablo Escobar himself returned from the grave to give Vinnie Chase a serious beat-down for his pathetic rendition of the Colombian drug lord.

The Latina.com Lazzie Awards: "No Esspeak e Spanish" Award (Movies)
Carlos Mencia, The Heartbreak Kid. Uncle Tito's dialogue may have kept us in stitches, but his waaay over-the-top Mexican accent was no laughing matter.

The Latina.com Lazzie Awards: The "No Esspeak e Spanish" Award (TV)
Adrienne Bailon, The Cheetah Girls. Verb-conjugation recitations in high school Spanish class sound better than Adrienne's grating accent. May we suggest some some pronuncation practice, Adrienne? Grassy-ass.

Rachel Bilson and Hayden Christensen at 'Jumper' Japan Premiere at Toho Cinemas Roppongi Hills on February 26, 2008 in Tokyo, Japan. Seriously, there's no way these two could get any comelier.

Ok so I admit it, my dad was one of those guys who went out and purchased an HD DVD player. Of course, he quickly marched straight back to the electronics shop exchanged it immediately after news broke about the Toshiba fiasco (exchanged it for some other state of the art gizmo that will soon be obsolete as well? probably!). He was in good company; Josh Levin at Slate talks about his unfortunate purchase. Problem is that he didn't keep the receipt like my dad did!

Toshiba finally mercy-killed its HD-DVD format last week, ending a drawn-out fight with Sony's Blu-ray for high-definition disc supremacy. The format's demise has brought HD-DVD owners untold humiliation: reams of newspaper stories comparing them to the losers of yore who bought into Betamax and LaserDisc, the sad sight of desperate early adopters peddling brand-new players on Craigslist, and, worst of all, a Web site celebrating the similarities between HD-DVD and Hillary Clinton. I'm sick of the mockery and abuse. You see, I'm one of the morons who bought an HD-DVD player.

While I freely admit my moronitude, I still believe the HD-DVD owner is an unfairly maligned creature. It wasn't dumb to jump on the HD-DVD bandwagon: Toshiba's technology was cheaper and more consumer-friendly than Sony's. It was dumb, though, to assume that the forces of good would triumph. In the end, the fight between Sony and Toshiba played out like some kind of bizarro sports movie: The bad guy won at the end by clocking the lovable underdog in the crotch with a baseball bat.

Watch videos of Lauren in her pre-fashionista phase at Fancast.

Not only did Lauren Conrad just show her first collection at LA Fashion Week, but now we hear she's starting her own accessories line.

Overheard on set of her mark commercial, Lauren gushed that she was so excited about her new, unannounced accessories line.

We can already see polka-dot headbands, bright yellow plastic bangles and patent leather clutches made for posing outside of Les Deux. [Fashionista]