Fancast: dish 'n dat

We're purposely coming late to the discussion, such as it is, that Rosie O'Donnell was the most annoying celebrity of 2007, according to 2,000 respondents in a Parade magazine end-of-the-year poll. We didn't want to offer a knee-jerk response by saying she's a lot less annoying than the runner ups, Paris Hilton (2), Ann Coulter (3) and Heather Mills (4). Nor did we want to say that the idea of anyone taking time to create such a poll or respond to one is far more annoying than the poll's winner.

No, we wanted to think about whether Rosie really was annoying, and two weeks later we're fairly confident to report that we don't think Rosie is annoying in any respect, though we might feel differently if we spent a week in a motor home with her. However that is unlikely to happen, so we're sticking to our conclusion.

In fact, after careful consideration, we believe the world of entertainment and thus our world is less interesting, duller, and more annoying without Rosie on TV every day. Take her old show, The View. Since she left following her dust-up with Elisabeth Hasselbeck last April, The View has gone from a daily source of water cooler controversy to a moving sidewalk of pallid opinions from a panel who fit together like a group of strangers sitting in a plastic surgeon's waiting room.

Right or wrong, we miss Rosie's feel for pop culture, her feuds with Donald Trump and Bill O'Reilly, her crackpot conspiracy theories, her attention to the nuanced silliness of celebrity gossip, and her utter disdain for Hasselbeck. She was good television, and that's hard to find. Now that we're thinking about it, CBS should have hired her instead of Katie Couric to read the nightly news.

Rosie's videotaped response to the Parada magazine poll

From the above video, you can see Rosie didn't take the poll results seriously. Her ego remained unharmed. "Frankly, most celebrities are annoying," she responded in the video. "So, I agree. Celebrities are annoying and the fact that I am one is annoying. And I suppose I am the most annoying. But whatever. Barbra Streisand likes me!"

Maybe she's an acquired taste, in the way New York City appeals to some and scares the crap out of others. Rosie once said, “I see myself as Rhoda, not Mary Tyler Moore.” Since we can't say anything more insightful or definitive than that, we're going to wrap up with our own meaningless list of 2007's most annoying celebrities:

5. Donald Trump
4. Britney Spears
3. Paris Hilton
2. Victoria Beckham
1. so obvious, we'll let you guess or tell you later (and no, it's not Lauren, Spencer or Heidi because they shouldn't even be celebrities)

I missed this week's Gossip Girl because my trip abroad prevented me from watching American TV and prevented access to the internet, which has made me crankier than when I miss Brothers & Sisters. (Picture me with crazy eyes and shaky fingers finally checking emails!) Life without Serena, Dan and the blogs is no life for me! But thankfully, our trusted man-in-the-know, Francis over at Arclight in Hollywood was around to catch this week's fiery episode. Catch Francis' great recap while I catch up on the episodes I am missing out on at Fancast!

Warning: Slight spoilers ahead! The title says it all. School Lies. Obviously this is a reference to 'School Ties' which starred Brendan Fraser and Matt Damon. That film definitely tried to illustrate the stark differences between two perceived "classes." This episode of GG tries to do the same, albeit without the racial/religious undertones. The episode starts off with another voice over by the magnificent Kristen Bell AKA Gossip Girl and several kids sneaking in to the pool of the Constance School for Girls. Of course they all jump into the pool start drinking, start doing drugs - you know, the usual fun stuff. There's great love triangle stuff between B, Nate, and Chuck. B incidentally is Blair, but if you're reading this, you probably watch the show and already know that. Anyhow, I've got to say that Chuck Bass was an annoyance to me. I understand his character and why he's always in the mix, but he annoyed me. Chuck reminded me of how Ryan Phillipe played Sebastian in 'Cruel Intentions' - at least in the beginning. Annoying. Now I have to say that I sort of really dig him. He's good stuff.

Were you looking forward to the late night dudes coming back to your TV this week? (This brings up another point. Why are all late night shows led by guys? Where are my girls at during late night?) Unfortunately, the striking writers may have put the kibosh on the return of The Tonight Show, with the WGA letting the public know that they had held a, ahem, "discussion" with Leno in order to "clarify" the fact that by writing his own jokes he is violating the Guild's striker rules. If that doesn't sound like Leno received a good kick in the arse behind closed doors, then I don't know what does. [Defamer]

Domenico, Ashley, Vanessa and Dani from A Shot of Love With Tila Tequila, at Tila Tequila's MTV New Year's Eve Masquerade, December 31. Costumes for the ball, or straight-faced choice of clothing? You decide.

Elisabeth Hasselbeck returns to the airwaves on The View on Monday, after giving birth to son/demon-spawn Taylor Thomas. Ouch. Was that too harsh? With the public's negative perception of her as a bubble-headed, right wing talking head, one can only wish for the poor Taylor kid to turn out somewhat decent and to not foster any grudges against Rosie O'Donnel's spawn, due to both their mama's frightening on-air confrontations. On the other hand, these two kids might be perfectly poised to wow the world in a Hannity & Colmesesque talk show devoted to their argumentative nature and subtle name-calling in 30 or so years. Oh the terror these two will unleash upon the English speaking world! The horror! [People]

Attention Opraholics, there's a new mama in the nighttime tubes, and she is Oprah, the Grand Imperial Poobah, originator of all that is saintly and good and warm and fuzzy, as her new show Oprah's Big Give is scheduled to hit the airwaves March 2.

The show has also assembled its panel of judges. Chef-author-philanthropist Jamie Oliver, NFL star Tony Gonzalez and Malaak Compton-Rock -- the wife of comedian Chris Rock and founder of the the charity styleWORKS -- will determine who goes home each week.

Over the course of the "Big Give," 10 people (whose identities will be revealed closer to the premiere date) will compete to see who can mount the most creative and effective efforts to help people in need. Each challenge will take place in a different city.

Winfrey, who's an executive producer of the show, will make appearances throughout its run and enlist some of her celebrity pals to appear as well. The winner will receive an undisclosed "major prize" for his or her efforts.[ZAP News]

Katsuo 'Suki' Sugiura previewing dishes that will be served at the 65th Annual Golden Globe Awards, December 3, at the Beverly Hilton hotel. In other words, previewing dishes that will never be eaten, because no one will want to show up! Poor guy! I want to eat this!

One awesome benefit of being overseas on a short break is that I get to hear about all breaking Hollywood gossip before the west coast starts waking up. One horrible drawback? I get to hear about all breaking Hollywood gossip before the west coast starts waking up.

Britney Spears was rushed to a Los Angeles hospital over night after police were called to her Studio City home.

In addition to multiple officers, fire trucks, two ambulance and a police helicopter were all on the scene. At one point, Spears was seen being taken to an ambulance on a gurney.

Last night, Ellen Page was on the Late Show with David Letterman, where she talked about haunted whorehouses, leather, transparent sluts and, oh yeah, her very own first place in the city. And also Letterman looked like a 150 year old phantom mountain man, with his grisly white beard (what the hell has he been doing during his break?!). Here's some gems that you missed during the show [Jezebel]:

"A 130 years old and haunted. I find very whorish materials that I own go missing" Ellen Page

"The whores like makeup" Letterman

"I mean, if they've been dead for a while, they probably wanna look pretty [freshen up]" Ellen Page

"They're pretty cool, I mean the microwave goes on, its probably like magic to them" Ellen Page.

Holy crap I miss American late night TV.

We hear through the grapevine (okay, okay, from Faran over at Fashionista and from like 30 other fashion blogs. There is no grapevine) Project Runway producers have suggested that there will only be three designers picked to showcase their work at Bryant Park, not four like normally slated. Could this be saying something about this season's contestants?

Niki Taylor taping Bravo's Make Me a Supermodel, January 4 in Times Square, NY. Welcome back Niki, we missed you! TV needs you! (We remember you from way back!).

Kate Ward over at EW ponders The Celebrity Apprentice: Why did she have to google four of the contestants? And is it possible to call some of them celebs if one has never heard of them? Is it fair to focus some of the show's plotlines on contestant's personal sob stories ? (of course it is, this is a reality show! Personal sob stories rule the land!), and if a Baldwin falls in the forest, and no one hears it, can he be called a celebrity? No! No! No!

Oh boy. He just couldn’t help himself. After a lackluster sixth season of The Apprentice, Donald Trump decided to pulverize the proverbial dead horse by launching yet a "star"-studded edition of television’s most tired reality show. And though last night’s premiere of The Celebrity Apprentice wasn’t nearly as bad as I'd anticipated, how did a show best known for its hilariously combative nature manage to utilize its cast of supersized personalities to such milquetoast effect?

On a more positive note, though, The Apprentice—and let’s face it, the entire Trump empire—is famous for its classlessness, and the premiere sure did manage to deliver on that front. Between Trump’s opening salvo denying our celebrities human qualities (they’re simply commodities now), to his inquiries into Tito Ortiz’s personal life, the trashiness quotient was high. And considering the show's primary competition in this strike-addled world is VH1’s Top Model marathon, I fear I might already be just a little hooked.

How I managed to miss this piece of news last year is beyond me, but I will repeat it with glee and shall call it possibly the coolest news of 2007. On an August episode of The Colbert Report, the cheeky host managed to make TV history by logging on to Wikipedia and making changes to his own entry (a major no no with the Wiki nerds...I mean Wiki admins) and encouraging tv audience members to pull up the entry on elephants and add that their population had tripled in six months.

Scores of internet users took Colbert's bait, repeatedly vandalizing approximately 20 articles on elephants before all being placed under a lock. The move also subsequently caused Wikipedia administrator Tawker to block Stephen Colbert from the website, reportedly to verify his identity. Either Tawker is incapable of checking the above log times that corroborate Colbert, or, more likely, he just wants to be mentioned on Stephen's show (as evidenced by his notes on the block and blog entry).

Wikipedia mass mutiny! It was all part of Colbert's master plan! And they all fell for it! Ahh the internets. What's next? John Stewart terrorizing the Youtubes??

Anybody notice a trend in the types of roles that numerous tv shows reserve for women? Sure! you say. Hookers, nuns or teachers, right? Why no! Worse! (um, kidding) The dying art of fashion magazine editors! Seems it's the career choice di rigour of the tubes, and particularly popular in the latest crop of lady sitcoms that look vaguely reminiscent of Devil Wears Prada/Sex and the City. Today, Gawker lists the prime suspects:

1. Lucy Liu is Mia in Cashmere Mafia.

6. And as a journalist at a San Francisco Magazine, a familiar face: Brooke Shields. The actress must be tired of playing the same role. Next time round, in a decade or so, maybe the networks will give make her a web producer. [Gawker]

Web producer! That's me! (I think?) I want my own show! Except it wouldn't be much fun. Not so much Manhattan, Milano Blahniks and dirty martinis...more Silverlake, American Apparel, Photoshop and 14 cups of coffee.

Before you rush out to shop and loose all your travel checks, shed a little tear for Britney Spears, who we all kind of knew was headed in this direction.

As you are riding the bus that's going 150 miles an hour downhill, think about who will welcome you back home on the tubes when you finish your vacation and head back to the states.

As you get pickpocketed by a ragtag group of beach urchins, think about the fact that, although at times unsafe, this country you're visiting is free of a certain, shall we say, element.

As you realize you left one of your luggage bags back at the airport, and the airport is two hours away, remember that you face a much worse injustice during this trip: having to miss Gossip Girl. Unacceptable!

I don't watch Lost, but maybe I should (trust me, I've tried). Having read Dan Snierson's recap of the last season and Q&A I feel l owe it to my intelligence to try to confuse it with weird flashbacks and flash forwards and flash sides and flash ups and to try to figure out the plot. Catch his Q&A with Matthew Fox (Dr. Jack). Who knows, you may be able to finally understand the last season.

ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY: What was your first reaction to the big twist in the season finale?

MATTHEW FOX: Something like ''Holy s---!'' It really caught me off guard. I'm not sure I ever thought that people were going to get off the island.... Damon [Lindelof, who co-wrote the finale with fellow exec producer Carlton Cuse] did such an amazing job of orchestrating something that when you're looking at it for the first time it feels like a flashback, but there'd be little things that are a little odd — like why Jack seems so ridiculously messed up. You think it's in relationship to his marriage falling apart, and then boom, you go, ''Oh, my God, this is a leap forward in time. What does that mean? Why is he suicidal?'' I just think that's great.

How hard was it to keep the big twist a secret?
I was walking around with the cat-that-ate-the-canary look on my face. And when I would get questioned on it, I would say, ''I can't say anything, but, man, I can't wait for you to find out.'' Even a lot of the crew didn't know. When the scripts went out, the last scene of the episode was missing. So when we started shooting, the crew was just like, ''Oh my God!''

Did you guys shoot any decoy endings?
We didn't, for that. But that has been done, which I just recently discovered.

Do you mean for last season or this one?
This one coming up. I wasn't part of that particular scene. I thought I knew what was going on in the scene, and then found out that I didn't.

NEXT PAGE: ''A truck might pull up and a bunch of dudes in suits get out and mow us down with Uzis. [Laughs] Seriously.'' [MORE at EW]

Photographer Maggie Serrano blogs about the show that I am most enjoying missing, Crowned, since I couldn't catch it this past week. Thanks, Maggie, from saving me from the horror that is Crowned!

I remember the first time I heard that CW Network was going to have a mother daughter reality tv show on their uber cool network involving a crown and pageant and I immediately thought I had vomited just a little in my mouth and thought wtf how can this work...but umm...this can be pretty funny and surprisingly entertaining. It's kinda like that trainwreck story...you know the one...and I mean if you sat through Paris and Nicole's crazy stuff you are going to want to see this and even if you don't you will...kinda like crack.
The things these women do for their five minutes of fame is unbelievable...in the most recent episode two of the moms go head to head ego tearing combat...it went something like this-

I look forward to the Golden Globes every year, one reason being that I am sometimes able to cover the afterparties where I've had funny run-ins with various celebs, like the time last year when I helped Entourage's Kevin Connolly with a wine spill on his shirt at one of the parties (upon his request, I dabbed the spill on his shirt with a napkin. And yes I saved the napkin). Well it looks like this year will be a little different, and Kevin probably won't be around to spill liquor all over himself, because the actors are taking a united stance in solidarity with the writers strike:

SAG president Alan Rosenberg has announced that not one of the more than 70 actors nominated for a Golden Globe will attend the Jan. 13 ceremonies because of the WGA's plans to picket the event.

"After considerable outreach to Golden Globe actor nominees and their representatives over the past several weeks, there appears to be unanimous agreement that these actors will not cross WGA picket lines to appear on the Golden Globe Awards as acceptors or presenters," he said. "We applaud our members for this remarkable show of solidarity for striking Writers Guild of America writers."

Jennifer Biels signing autographs at the Season 5 premiere party for The L Word, January 6, in West Hollywood. What's on her mind? "If anybody even so much as utters the words she's a maniac on the dance floor, I will punch their lights out."

One of my favorite places in Hollywood is Tiny's K.O. Bar on Hollywood Blvd, a cool little punk rock bar where it seems like everybody knows your name and nobody's got an attitude, owned by punk rock visionary Steve Carnan and Porterhouse Records head Steve Kravac. I recently got a chance to catch up with Ryan, the cool-as-ice gentleman behind the bar who listens to your problems and serves the meanest drinks this side of the San Andreas fault. And he's got the coolest tattoos to boot. Photographer Maggie Serrano came along to take digital memories.

Name:
Ryan C. Marks

Nickname:
Ryan C. Marks

Occupation/s:
currently: Bartender

Goals:
- writing and directing films of the noir genre based in the era that created them
- to find a woman worth being with
- writing, recording and performing in a vast array of musical projects
- owning and occasionally operating my very own bar

How often are you on the internet:
I check up on the internet about once a day.

Which shows do you watch:
Dexter, Californication, Twin Peaks

What's your favorite tv show about bars:
The Simpsons episode "Homer vs. The Eighteenth Amendment" where he takes on the persona of the infamous Beer Baron is quite hilarious.

Do you know anything about Gossip Girl?
Just from the title it sounds like the worst show ever conceived.

Do you know anything about CSI?
Forensic science is very interesting, a television drama about the investigators that practice it on a crime scene sounds like it would be popular.

Do you know anything about The Hills?
Is that the one about a band of cannibals haunting a small beach town in the late fifties?

Last weekend, a young star from the OC called Mischa Barton was busted for drunk driving. What do you guys do to prevent drunk drivers? What do you think about celebs driving drunk?
As a bartender I pay attention to each customer on an individual level. A few ways to help prevent drunk driving from my side of the counter include: never serving people who come into the bar drunk, cutting off those i feel have reached their limit, asking patrons how they plan on getting home, calling them a taxi, checking in with any friends of the customer about making sure they get home safely, and always offering glasses of water and time to sober up. I think celebrities should be dealt with like any other criminal when caught doing something illegal. No special treatment should be given, no penalty diminished.

Without naming names have you guys ever had to deal with a drunk celebrity?
I have dealt with drunken celebrities on many occasions, just like any other customer, there are good experiences and horror stories.

What do you think about drunk driving?
Drunk driving ruins many lives each year. Whether the financial burden and inconvenience of the dui, to the physical damage of property others and self, the irreparable harm that results outweighs whatever reasoning one may have as a defense. Alcohol impairs judgment and delays response time.

This past week, Britney Spears was hospitalized for maybe drugs and alcohol problem and had her kids taken away. If she came into your bar, would you tell her to stop drinking?
It's not my place to judge how she chooses to lead her life. Why shouldn't she be afforded the luxury of destroying parts of her life like everyone else?

Would you listen to her problems?
If I had the time, and she was willing to do so, then sure, why not.

Tiny's K.O.
6377 Hollywood Blvd., Hollywood
11 a.m. to 2 a.m. daily; open at 10 a.m. Sundays

There's nothing I love more than a tipsy conversation with the cousins during a summer bbq (it's summer outside of America, what do want from me), trying to explain the changing of the guard from print to online media that is currently happening in the U.S. Well maybe one thing I love better than that: The Simpsons explaning the changing of the guard from print to online media to the world. Best. Simpsons. Ever. [Gawker]

Everyone hates on Rachel Zoe. It's become the "fashionable thing" to do nowadays, along with sporting the baggy pants and the pirate accent (just kidding. about the baggy pants), particularly because common rumor is that she may or may not have had something to do with the impossibly thin physiques belonging to Lilo, Nicole Richie, Paris Hilton, et al. I don't particularly mind her--in fact, I'm totally into her style. But imagine the firestorm of controversy this piece of news is sure to set off around the webtubes: Rachel Zoe as Bravo's next internet star? EW's got the scoop:

Celebrity stylist Rachel Zoe—who has dressed such painfully thin starlets as Nicole Richie, Mischa Barton, Lindsay Lohan, and Paris Hilton, among others—is filming a reality show for Bravo. She wants to "educate" us about fashion and the fashion business. Is there any question Zoe could answer that would make her show appealing? I might tune in if she'd riddle me this: "What do you have against food?"

Hulk Hogan on MTV TRL, promoting American Gladiators, January 7 at MTV Times Square Studios. Kind of only going through the motions by this point. We sorta wish him and his wife, of Hogan Knows Best fame, would get back together already. Poor guy's a mess.

The Golden Globes have been officially canceled. And, no, Veronica, there really isn't a Santa Claus. He's all in your mind. Or the toothfairy, for that matter. I hear she's on strike due to drastic cuts in her benefits. Sorry, kiddo (in other words. This blows!) [Variety]

And now for something completely different...

HFPA and Dick Clark Prods. had sought desperately to broker a truce with the WGA to keep pickets from hitting the streets outside the hotel in order to allow major stars to trek to the Hilton to attend the parties. By the time NBC and HFPA settled on the news conference format, the Peacock was no longer concerned with whether talent showed up for the parties, or if the WGA picketed the event as it has promised for weeks.

Dr. Phil has canceled his Britney Spears special episode due to the latest breaking news that we dare not speak of again (it's kind of depressing!). Really, Dr. Phil. So JLS's unwed-mother-at-16 fiasco, or Britney's previous shenanigans weren't enough to cancel the special back then? Such a sweet man, what with his public dialog about what's really wrong with Britney, with any outlet that would listen. We can all rest easy at night knowing that Britney has such a selfless, honest man looking after her. An angel, really. Nothing says warm concern quite like a ratings-record breaker.

Could, The Wire, a show I've never watched or had any interest watching really the best show on television? Jacob Weisberg over at Slate thinks so. What do you think?

Get to know each character at Fancast.

The first episode of the final season of HBO's critically acclaimed police drama The Wire airs this Sunday night. In a 2006 interview, Meghan O'Rourke asked creator and writer David Simon about the show's social politics and its future direction. Last season, Slate Editor Jacob Weisberg called it "the best show ever broadcast in America." Weisberg's original analysis is reprinted below.

During its first year, it was possible to mistake The Wire for merely an unusually shrewd and vivid police drama. But the program has gotten richer and more ambitious with each season and now fits only into a category it defines by itself: the urban procedural. Its protagonist is the broken American city of Baltimore, depicted with obsessive verisimilitude and affectionate rage. Its fundamental concern is the isolation and degradation of the black underclass, a subject that has, with the exception of a blip after Hurricane Katrina, disappeared from the political radar screen. If the national conscience is ready for another sleepless night about the waste of lives in the ghetto, I expect that The Wire will be what keeps us awake.

The Colbert Report is back tonight but the blogs are buzzing about Colbert (possibly) pulling a diva move. Turns out that he is not reprising his character as Professor Impossible on Adult Swim's The Venture Brothers. But that's not the worst of it. Co-creator Jackson Publick blogs that the assistant of the assistant to the assistant to Mr. Colbert wasn't very nice when responding to the last of his many requests.

One sour note from the past month (aside from my car getting hit yet again) is that Mr. Stephen Colbert has decided not to reprise his role as Professor Impossible this season, for reasons which probably have something to do with him being all super-famous, super-busy, and no longer in need of a few hundred bucks here and there. We figured this would happen eventually, considering his monumental success in the years since our first season, but we held out hope that the WGA strike would leave him with enough bored free time on his hands that he'd have a go at it. But after getting shuffled around from his assistant to his assistant's assistant to his agent to his manager, one of them finally shot us an email saying: "Stephen has neither the time nor the interest in participating in your project."

Was the "nor the interest" really necessary? I would have bought the "time" part without question, but man...you gotta kick a guy when he's down like that? Well maybe I'm not interested in your ice cream, mister! Or your book. Unless someone buys it for me for Christmas. [Pollock Blog via Pop Candy]