Fancast: dish 'n dat

The next J.K. Rowling book is going to be expensive. The Harry Potter author has finished a collection of fairy tales called "The Tales of Beedle the Bard. A scant seven copies of the bok, which contains five hand-written stories bound in leather, have been produced, one of which will be auctioned at Sotheby's next month with a starting bid of $62.000. Proceeds will benefit the Children's Voice charity. Harry Potter fans will recognize the fairy tales as the book recently outed headmaster Albus Dumbledore left to Harry's pal Hermione in the last Poter book, "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows." As for the other six books? Rowling reportedly gave them away to friends.

"It's a sad book -- tragic, really," writes the L.A. Times' Marc Weingarten of the new oral biography on gonzo journalist Hunter S. Thompson. Compiled by his longtime publisher and Rolling Stone founder Jann Wenner and Thompson's personal assistant orey Seymour, the book is still probably a must-read for the necessarily aging fans of the so-called doctor, who know that Thompson's painful personal demise was as much a part of the legacy as his great first-person reportage in the 1970s. Thompson once wrote "when the going gets weird, the weird turn pro." It's debatable whether he went out as a pro when he took his own life as his health withered along with his ability to put together words. But at one time he wrote with the biting, blood-splattered precision of a professional killer, and the best of his work is worth not only recalling but actually re-reading. Some suggestions:

Books:

Hell's Angels
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail

Reportage:

Strange Rumblings in Aztlan, a 1971 Rolling Stone story about climate and culture surrounding the killing of L.A. Times journalist Ruben Salazar on August 29, 1970, the day of the historic National Chicano Moratorium march and rally against the Vietnam War.

Memorable quote:

"To Richard Nixon -- who never let me down."

Opening Sentence to Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas:

"We were somewhere near Barstow on the edge of the desert when the drugs began to take hold."

Here's the best exchange during Jerry Seinfeld's interview with CNN's Larry King while promoting his latest project Bee Movie:

Larry King: "They didn't cancel you -- you cancelled them?"

Jerry Seinfeld: "Are you not aware of this? Are you under the impression I got cancelled? Is this still CNN? I was the number one show on television. Do you know who I am Larry? Seventy-five million viewers the last episode. Geez."

On your mark, get set....We might be seeing Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes running this Sunday's New York City Marathon. Word coming from sources within the race mentioned hearing that the couple plan to participate. Checking this further. Stay tuned...But it would be fitting. Cruise has already shown the stamina and staying power for long-term success, and it appears Holmes has drunk the Kool-Aid too.

Oprah Winfrey's rough couple of weeks ended on a bright note when South African authorities arrested the dorm matron accused of physically and sexually abusing girls at the talk show host's $40 million school for girls. Winfrey released the following statement:

“I’d like to thank the South African Police Services for bringing this investigation at my Academy to a timely resolution. I am grateful for their compassion and sensitivity to the girls during this difficult time. It means the world to me. It is my deepest hope that the accused is brought to justice and that this serves as a reminder that any time a child has the courage to step forward, it is our duty as adults to listen and take immediate action.”

Stop the presses. Jessica Seinfeld didn’t run out on her first marriage two days after returning from her honeymoon to be with her famous comedian husband Jerry. Nor did she commit “vegetable plagiarism” in preparing her new bestselling cookbook. According to a New York Times profile that attempts to set the record straight on how Jerry's wife came to be Jerry's wife as well as what that entails, she’d already broken up with first husband Eric Nederlander when she was approached by Jerry at a gym in 1998. She revealed as much to Jerry while watching him tape a comedy special two nights later. “I told him I didn’t think this was the right time for me to be involved with anybody,” she said. “I told him the story and he looked at me with such compassion and said, ‘Give me a hug.’ I barely know this person and all he has is compassion for how much pain I was in.” Seinfeld dismissed criticism of her cookbook “Deceptively Delicious: Simple Secrets to Get Your Kids Eating Good Food” by describing a year spent baking and pureeing in the kitchen. What else is learned about life at chez Seinfeld? Besides running her Baby Buggy charity, she arranges playdates in the Hamptons with Ali Wentworth (Mrs. George Stephanopoulos), takes surfing lessons, and is friends with famous fashion designers who make gowns for her. Oh, she's also unfairly portrayed in the press. “I understand that there’s nothing more satisfying to a journalist than to take someone like me who appears to have had an easy life and appears to have now hit the jackpot. Journalists get a lot of pleasure making me or someone in a situation like mine seem like god-awful people, and that’s always been the assumption about me."

Julia Roberts talked to December’s Vanity Fair for an update on motherhood at 40, young actors, Hollywood media -- and Britney Spears. Generally, the Charlie Wilson’s War star says Hollywood coverage is more “grotesque” than when she started, with 1988’s Satisfaction and Mystic Pizza. Roberts, 40, and husband Danny Moder, 38, are parents to Henry, 5 months, and twins Phinnaeus and Hazel, 3. The highlights:

* On motherhood and environmentalism: “My dream is to be a highly fulfilled and productive stay-at-home mom and wife. The highest high would be growing our food that I then make, and then composting and growing more - that kind of circle."
* On Hollywood tabloids: “I don’t know why anybody would even want to go into show business these days, with all the different magazines and shows. It just wouldn’t be worth it. And it’s too fast.”
* On young actors' short careers: “You could build a career over years and many movies. Now it’s like you do one good movie and they throw a ton of attention at you. … [That doesn’t allow young talent to] know who you are, and what you are, and how you want to do it, and why you want to do it.”
* On Spears: “I see and hear what’s happening to Britney Spears and it’s all I can do not to move her into my guesthouse and say, ‘OK, this is how it’s going to be.’ And just take care of her.”

Sights and sounds from the Writer's Strike's first 36 hours:

* Frappucino machines are spotted outside the set of America's Next Top Model, reports Conde Nast Portfolio.
* Talk Show with Spike Feresten writer Tom Johnson broke his leg Monday outside Sunset Gower Studios. An angry Honda Element driver drove through a crowd of writers, witnesses said. "The guy basically said, Get the (expletive) out of the way,' and then hit the gas and just plowed into this guy," said witness/show writer Linda Berston, according to KABC-TV.
* Desperate Housewives writers chanted "Marcia's cross, and so are we!", "Unfair. Unjust. Marc Cherry is with us!", and "We write the story-a for Eva Longoria!" (Reuters)
* Ellen DeGeneres skipped her monologue on Ellen. "I want to say I love my writers," DeGeneres said. "In honor of them today, I'm not going to do a monologue. I support them and hope that they get everything they're asking for. And I hope it works out soon." (Associated Press)
* Jay Leno passed out three boxes of Krispy Kreme doughnuts to Tonight Show writers outside NBC studios in Burbank. The leather-jacketed Leno declared them "writers' food," the LA Times reports.
* Pushing Daisies is one of few scripted primetime shows still in production. (WSJ)

Cheers to plus-sized model Mia Tyler and her boyfriend of more than a year, advertising salesman Brian Harrah, for getting engaged on October 28. Harrah proposed unofficially in September when the two were in bed and "he leaned over and said he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me and raise babies," says Tyler, 29, the daughter of Aerosmith's Steven Tyler. "We didn't want to tell anyone, but it kept getting leaked when someone had a drink." Two weeks ago, Harrah got down on one knee and offered both his eternal love and a three carat diamond set in white gold inspired by a Cartier design from the 1920s. "I melted," says Tyler. "I couldn't be happier -- and that's nice."

No one will mistake them for Dean, Sammy and Frank. But Drew Lachey, Joey Fatone, Joey Mcintyre and Joey Lawrence don't mind the comparison. The three Joeys and Drew are about to launch themselves as a Rat Pack-inspired group called The Fellas. Their first gig is the November 15 Cedars-Sinai Board of Governors' annual gala where charmistamtic NBC honcho Ben Silverman will be honored and no doubt informed that this fun-loving foursome has a TV series in the works, though Lachey may be tied up with ABC. "The guys have known each other through the business for years, but they all performed on the Dancing With The Stars Tour this summer and one night it just clicked," says a pal who's seen them in action. "They began riffing on each other, singing the songs from the past and having a great time. They're serious about this, too." Look for The Fellas set to include "That Lady Is A Tramp," "You Make Me Feel So Young," and "I've Got The World On A String." And after the gala? "They want to take this to Vegas, baby," says the friend.

This Saturday Amy Winehouse teared up in court after her hubby, Blake Fielder-Civil, was ordered by London courts to be held on charges until November 23. What’s the aptly named songstress’ (WINEhouse, duh!) significant other now being charged with? That he conspired with the victim of his bar attack to have the charges withdrawn by asking him to remove himself as a witness. We do feel bad for Winehouse. After all, we’d feel just as bad if our bf was thrown into the slammer. But in lieu of him being such a crappy influence on her, we think this was the best thing to happen to her! Get your head on straight and leave him, girlie. He’s got bad drug problems and a pale, deathly mug that makes him as appealing as toad. We are starting to suspect the only thing keeping her from leaving him is that “Blake’s” tattoo on her left boobie. Hey Winehouse, we’ve got a first step in your path to leaving Blake. It involves needles but not the kind that you think. Amy, meet Dr. Tattoff; Dr. Tattoff meet Amy.

So, we doubt Mandy Moore is worried about anything other than a certain older Friends alumn slobbering all over her during a date, but we thought we’d bring this up anyways. On Friday, Jezebel brought back Missdemeanors, a column that pokes fun at bloggers who post particularly cringe-worthy anti-female rants. One clear object of Jezebel and the awesome commenter’s wrath was blogger Rian from The Skinny, a site that comments on celebrities’ weight and diet issues. The post under attack? Rian posted an unflattering pic of Mandy and blurted out that homegirl had gained weight.

The snarky ladies had a field day with this one and went so far as to hesitatingly post Rian’s photo, which was probably less flattering than all of her fat-celeb photos put together. Anyways, we got curious and all stalker-ish and checked out Rian’s personal blog, where we found her trying to do some damage control:

My goodness if they think I was fat at 125, I wonder what they would think of me now? Plus it was only a face picture. I unfortunately inherited one of “those” chins that make my face appear chubby unless I am nearly underweight.

Boo hoo, Rian! As one Jeztacular commenter pointed out, if you can’t dish it out, you damn well be better to take it! When you put yourself out there pointing out other’s flaws and writing stuff that does nothing for women other than make them feel bad about themselves, you should have skin thick enough to take it when your own flaws are displayed for all the world to see.

Perhaps she's pissed off that Mandy snagged Chandler before she had a chance to? Perhaps perhaps perhaps.

Kate Hudson really knows how to lose a guy in ten days (zing!). She left her rocker husband Chris Robinson in 2006 and was soon getting all snuggly with blondie Owen Wilson. Then it dawned on her that maybe she didn’t want such a pretty boy and so she ditched poor Owen, which may have left him in really bad shape. Kate then quickly moved on to Ashton Kutcher’s right hand man in Punk’D, Dax Shepard. BUT THEN she decided she wanted someone a little funnier and so we caught her with Dane Cook. Hmmm, on second thought (or fourth?), maybe funny wasn’t what she really wanted after all, and she decided that she wanted someone more dramatic. So now she kind of sort of might be seeing Heath Ledger, and so she was seen on Thursday with him at the Beatrice Inn. Did you get that? All of that? Yes we know what you are thinking. Kate Hudson treats her men like old pairs of shoes. And we like it.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer is not ready to pop out baby vampires just yet. According to the December issue of Maxim, 30 year old Sarah Michelle Gellar still likes to paint the town blood red and feels that having a baby is not yet in her cards. She wants to first accomplish a few goals and, of course, get her party on. Oh, and btw, props to Maxim for making 30 seem older than it actually is.

Right now I want to live my life and have fun. I want to go sit in my Jacuzzi and drink wine all night.

Sounds like my kind of hangout sesh! Sarah’s got her head on straighter than a certain pop star who is under the impression that she can have her cake and eat it too. Seriously, there is nothing cooler than a girl who is honest about what she wants and who recognizes that everything has its own time and place. Some girls are ready at 22 to give up the hectic metropolitan life and enter into motherhood, while others choose to focus on careers or their own lives, all the while recognizing that they can’t be all preggers and in the Jacuzzi or all up in the clubs. And you know what? Both lifestyles are okay! Just pick one, stick to it and be okay with your decision.

Boing Boing uncovered a BBC article documenting the Mafia code of ethics and cleverly contrasted them to Gene Autry’s Cowboy Code. Needless to say, the codes didn’t overlap very much. We also noticed something else; something much more sinister. The more we went over the list, the more we realized this code of ethics was perfectly suited for a Hollywood entertainer/producer/what have you. So, without further adieu, we present to you the list of the Mafioso/Hollywood big shot etiquette.

1. No-one can present himself directly to another of our friends. There must be a third person to do it.
Richard, meet Mark. Mark, meet Richard. You may know Richard from 1970's gems like 'Above The Law' and 'Run Baby Run'. Mark owns several small islands and briefly dated Bo Derek. You can read up on him on his IMDB profile. Here, I have sent a link to your blackberry.

2. Never look at the wives of friends;
A rule that all celebs have broken at least 17 times. During each marriage.

3. Never be seen with cops.
Name a celeb who hasn’t been snapped in the back of a black and white and I’ll name you
someone who has a brilliant publicist.

4. Don’t go to pubs and clubs.
One word. Le Deux.

5. Always being available for Cosa Nostra is a duty - even if your wife’s about to give birth.
Cosa Nostra in this case being code for Le Deux.

6. Appointments must absolutely be respected.
Only if they involve a restaurant on Robertson and a multi-million dollar contract. Otherwise, sleep right through it.

7. Wives must be treated with respect.
I’ve got one word (okay, two letters): O.J.

8. When asked for any information, the answer must be the truth.
All bets are off during press junkets. And grand jury inquisitions. And maybe lunch.

9. Money cannot be appropriated if it belongs to others or to other families.
Unless it’s money they are forking over for your crappy summer blockbuster. Then it’s alright.

10. People who can’t be part of Cosa Nostra: anyone who has a close relative in the police, anyone with a two-timing relative in the family, anyone who behaves badly and doesn’t hold to moral values.
Okay this one’s just too easy. We plead the fifth.

On Saturday, 60 Minutes reported an interesting trend in the workplace that academics have been analyzing for years: the phenomenon of the Millennial generation (i.e. you and me). These are young adults who were born between the late 70’s to mid 90’s who have fairly recently joined the workplace but still refuse to sacrifice their way of life for the sake of a crummy paycheck. They are concerned with one thing and one thing only: themselves. That is, finding themselves, discovering their identities and where they want their lives to lead.

Faced with new employees who want to roll into work with their iPods and flip flops around noon, but still be CEO by Friday, companies are realizing that the era of the buttoned down exec happy to have a job is as dead as the three-Martini lunch [MORE]

Sound familiar? Well, as you sit in your office, wearing a ratty t-shirt, corduroys and sandals, updating the status on your twitter account and wondering why the hell the stuffy marketing guy down the hall keeps giving you sideways glances whenever you crank up Feist on your iTunes, ponder our list of the Top 5 Millennial television shows and films:

5. Scrubs: Zach Braff leads a ragtag group of twenty-something MD Interns who are dealing with patronizing superiors and established nurses while trying to find themselves and their identities in the workplace.

4. My So Called Life: A young girl dealing with the trials and tribulations of adolescence. This was emo, before we knew what the term even meant.

3. Garden State: A young man (Zach Braff) trying to find himself after his father’s death. Does anybody notice a Zach Braff pattern? He’s like the godfather of Millennials!

2. Flight of the Conchords: Hipster idiot savants trying to get their musical career off the ground, while living in New York. The best show that you aren’t watching.

1. Office Space: Ah, the Millennial Bible. Though it was released when many of us were in High School or just graduating into that dark abyss our parents call the real world, OS is ageless. This film was like our blueprint for how to infiltrate the working world.

(By the way, where can I find that three-martini lunch and where do I sign up???)

Say you strip for a men's magazine. Even though you describe your layout as "classy," do you really want your dad -- or in the case of E! reality TV star Kim Kardashian -- your step-dad, former Olympic gold medalist Bruce Jenner, there watching you, um, work? That's was the sitch when the booty-blessed vixen, whose series Keepin Up With The Kardashians was just picked up for another season by E!, bared all for Playboy's annual celebrity skin issue. "I went and watched Kim do her shoot for the magazine cover," Jenner told Fox News' Pop Tart columnist. "I voted against her doing it. But we got through it and it turned out to be very tasteful. It’s a huge honor for Kim and she is a very beautiful woman. But, of course, as a father it is very strange and disturbing to see your daughter doing something like that." Tasteful? Honor? Strange? Disturbing? Make up your mind. Let's just state the obvious: Ewwww.

How far would you go to look good and what risks would you be willing to endure for the sake of plastic surgery? At this stage of my life I wouldn’t be interested in going under the knife, but judging by the size of my freakout sesh when I catch the beginning of a wrinkle, I’ll probably be on the operating table by next winter. Entertainers and their families do this all the time; they notice a wrinkle or a bump on the nose and run to their friendly neighborhood plastic surgeon. Sometimes they incorrectly judge the level of danger involved in this procedure, as was the unfortunate case with Donda West, Kanye West’s supportive mother, who passed away this past weekend from complications of plastic surgery. We can all only imagine the world of pain that Kanye is in right now, but we are almost sure that he is probably severely angry at the fact that this could have been avoided had they had more information about the Doctor or about the procedure. With information being recently released that points to Donda’s plastic surgeon as maybe, kind of a bad doctor and a drunk driver (although I can’t figure out if being a drunk driver makes him a bad doctor. Unless he operated under the influence? Would that be a OUI?), the world’s attention is on the dangers of plastic surgery. And maybe that’s exactly what should happen. Our thoughts go out to Kanye in this difficult time.

Tara Reid puts the TAR in cigarettes (okay, that kind of works, right?). We hear she’s done with partying like an animal but we don’t think that’s stopped her from drinking like a fish and feeding a nasty ciggie habit behind closed doors. At least that’s what a comment by the Scrubs cast makes it seem like. At a New York Comedy Festival panel discussion about the show, the cast was asked to name their favorite and not-so-favorite guest stars. Keri Russell and Brendan Fraser were their two faves, but Tara? Not so much. “She smelled like cigarettes and alcohol” said an unnamed member of the cast. You know how much the boys love girls who smell like Mad Dog 20/20 and an ashtray, Tari, dear.

Heidi Klum was some kind of wonderful during this morning’s The Ellen Degeneres Show. In the span of a few minutes, she managed to do a dorky little dance across Ellen’s coffee table with those gigantic model heels of hers, to subtly diss Britney (Ellen: Britney Spears went, she was invited?” Heidi: [deadpanning] She wasn’t. [cue audience laughter] ), and even use profane language to refer to her TV show Project Runway (Ellen: What do we expect in season 4? Heidi: Same sh*t).

Her shot at Britney seems at first to be off the cuff, but from what we know about PR and getting your client into the talk shows (I was trained by the best), we suspect that little exchange was practiced several times, probably in the hopes that Britney got the hint that wearing an ill-fitting pink cheetah unitard is no excuse to crash a model party. Trust us, we’ve made that mistake before. Several times.

Because we haven’t posted any lists today (and lists are our friends after a night of too many glasses of wine at the Kung Pow Kitty) and after much deliberation at the KPK, we bring you the 25 uber-hotties whom Paris, Lindsay, Britney and Jessica S. haven't yet sunken their fangs into. Why? Because last night someone told us they thought a list like this was impossible to create. So, assisted by our best intern/drinking partner Desiree, we went through hours of surveying friendly young Hollywood gals, just to say to the naysayers: you’re wrong! There are single eligible hotties out there who haven’t yet been touched by the fame-seeking, attention starved, beemer crashing celebutants of today. So good day sir. I said good day.

1. Milo Ventimiglia: Sexy hero guy
2. Ryan Gosling: Sexy notebook guy.
3. Seth Green: Sexy Family Guy, um, guy.
4. Jake Gyllenhal: Sexy brokeback guy.
5. George Clooney: Sexy older guy.
6. Leonardo Di'Caprio: Sexy departed guy.
7. Josh Hartnett: Sexy dahlia guy.
8. Emile Hirsch: Sexy boy-next-door guy.
9. Heath Ledger: Sexy aussie guy.
10. Ryan Reynolds: Van-Sexy guy
11. Mark Ruffalo: Sexy zodiac killer guy.
12. Casey Affleck: Sexy “the other Affleck” guy.
13. Benji Madden: Sexy rocker guy. Oh wait, he’s with that Sophie girl. Hussie.
14. Eric Dane: Sexy McDreamy.
15. Shia LaBeouf: Sexy McTransitioning-into-a-bad-boy guy.
16. Gael Garcia Bernal: Sexy motorcycle guy.
17. Vin Diesel: Sexy fast and furious guy?
18. Nick Cannon: Ok, I don’t even know who this guy is, guy.
19. Giovanni Ribisi: Sexy whiney guy.
20. Jason Lee: Sexy Scientologist guy. Oh wait. He’s married. Crap!
21. Julian McMahon: Sexy nip/tuck guy. Ew, that sounds gross.
22. Wentworth Miller: Sexy surfer guy.
23. William Hung: What? I was on my fourth glass of chardonnay; we were running low on hotties for this list.
24. M Shadows: Sexy Avenged Sevenfold guy.
25. Paul Walker: Is it just me or does his name remind you of an alcoholic drink?

(See? No Matt Damons on THIS list!)

Nothing makes me happier than good ole’ Hollywood nepotism. At the top of the nepotism list is the Hollywood Foreign Press Association’s coronation of Miss Golden Globe, which is handed to a um, well-deserved daughter or son of a Hollywood celebrity each year. Rumer Willis, daughter of Demi and Bruce, was chosen as Miss Golden Globe 2008.

It’s kind of an internship really, except that instead of the sweet sweet sound of a senior PR exec yelling into your ear that she wanted half caff (yeah, those are the UNPAID internships. Imagine the paid ones), they get to participate in the Golden Globe ceremonies and get showered with Gucci and Prada gifts, free cars and all the publicity they can get. I was poking around in the Golden Globes website and reading up on previous winners and noticed that Rumer has some tough shoes to fill what with Melanie Griffith, Freddy Prinze Jr. and of course Laura Dern having been bestowed this honor in the past. But then the list gets kind of tricky when you get to Rhonda Shear (1983), whose credits include Prison A Go Go, Desperation Blvd. and Assault of the Party Nerds 2: The Heavy Petting Detective. Oh, and who could forget John Clark Gable, whose claim to fame was…playing…himself...in a film...about his dad. Yikes! At times, this seems more like the Hollywood kiss of death than a joyful coronation. Rumer better start workin' it if she wants to end up like Melanie or Laura instead of just using this as a chance to strut out in a new outfit and a cute hairdo and get free stuff.

What do you think? Is being crowned Miss or Mr. Golden Globe a blessing or a curse?

A 35-year-old man hung on a 12-foot, 400 pound statue of Hannah Montana to win tickets to her Florida show. "I'm ecstatic. It's like a dream come true," said winner Jody Powell. Ok, I can’t decide if it’s super creepy that a fully grown man is “ecstatic” about winning tix to watch a nubile 16 year old strut her stuff on stage (he wanted them for his girlfriend’s daughter, or so he says), or super crazy that he would go that far to score these tix which, by the way, have been causing zombie-attack-type chaos among the parent set. Crazy or creepy, the award for super loopy has to go to the marketing team and radio station behind the stunt. Nothing speaks to tween girls better than a Michael Jackson-like 400 pound statue of your favorite prop princess. Was it at least made out of chocolate? Mmmmm. Chocolate.

I have never cried because of a movie. No, seriously. Even back when Titanic, possibly the biggest tearjerker ever, was in theaters, I remained completely stoic and proudly munched on my Junior Mints while my tough High School boyfriend was bawling in the seat next to me, in addition to everyone else around me. Why was it so impossible for me to feel a single ounce of emotion as Jack Dawson turned blue and sunk into the dark waters of the Atlantic Ocean? Joy over at EW’s Pop Watch isn’t so lucky, and she names the trailers for P.S. I Love You (orphans! cute kids with large eyes! Keri Russel!) and August Rush (bleh, cutsie couples in love, one dies, blah blah blah) as two of her favorite recent tearjerkers. I played both clips and waited and waited and waited. Then I played them again just in case I had missed a mom dying or a puppy being slaughtered or something.
Nothing.
Not so much as an eyelid twitch. So while I sit here and wonder how I became a social psychopath, ponder something MUCH funner: the top 3 films that will make you want to throw up!

3. Trainspotting: Possibly the coolest and grossest film you will ever see. Lots of drug use, vomit, and also dead babies in the ceiling. Bleh!

2. 28 Days Later: Zombies, blood and guts. The scariest part about it was that the scenario seemed all too possible…

1. Crossroads: Possibly the scariest film ever made.

Could Heroes star Hayden Panettiere possibly be the most hardcore girl on primetime television? Her coolness factor was upped by at least 10 points (don’t even get me started on her street cred) on Wednesday, when she announced that there is a warrant out for her arrest in Japan. Remember that little stunt she pulled on October 30th to save a pod of dolphins that were going to be slaughtered? How everyone around here loved her for it? Well it turns out the Japanese authorities don’t take too kindly to foreigners messing with their dolphins. They put a warrant out for her arrest. Could she be arrested? Maybe, she said to E! news and followed it with:

We must unite as a world to solve our increasing international environmental crises. We can no longer hide behind outdated, senseless cultural traditions and lazy, bad habits that are resulting in the annihilation of our planet's resources and the extinction of our species.

My head just exploded at all of this coolness! Hayden is Dish N’ Dat’s new flavor of the month! (previous girls of the month have been Melanie Griffith, Rhonda Shear and Freddy Prinze Jr. so Hayden is in good company).

The damage control has begun in the Lance Armstrong/Ashley Olsen camps. After weeks of surprisingly unfettered media speculation about a possible relationship between the 21-year old Full House cutie and the 35-year-old cyclist, Lance has spoken out about Ashley:.

We have hung out amongst other friends, and she strikes me as a nice, smart lady

His previous older lady, Sheryl Crow, 45, was said to have quietly dissed the interesting couple, by rolling her eyes and uttering, “It’s pathetic. She’s a kid!” (Um, sore loser much, Sheryl?). You can read her latest attempt at damage control in her blog (but the entry has suspiciously been taken out):

"Lance and I are friends. I have a lot of respect for him and what he does in the world of cancer. What he does in his personal life . . . is none of my business. Nor would I ever comment on it."

I am the head sister in charge in a family of three daughters. I make the rules around here and they will always listen to me; They will always let me sit in the front passenger seat of a car; They will always be scared to death of my wrath and of that sneak attack ear punch. There are many others like me in the big sisters club who feel the same way, including Rabbi Susan Silverman, Sarah Silverman’s eldest sister, as I found out in this endearing article she wrote for the Jewish Journal. In it she paints a picture of Sarah as an adorable little brown eyed girl who was already cursing like a sailor at two. She mentions a particularly colorful exchange between Sarah and her Grandmother:

Nana: "Sarah, what are you coloring?"
Sarah (focused on her work): "A house."
Nana: "Guess what? I brought some brownies for you."
Sarah (still focused on her work): "Shove 'em up you're a—, Nana."

Marvelous! Then there’s the time Sarah passed out during her niece’s birth and then retold the story at the same niece's bat mitzvah, in all its gory details. (“I'm not sure the word vagina had ever before been used -- at least as many times -- in addressing a bat mitzvah on the bimah”). Ahhh, if I didn’t already love Sarah Silverman, this would have done the trick.

Catch Sarah and Roseanne Barr at a Comedy Without Borders show November 29th at USC, and do yourself a favor and watch The Sarah Silverman Show. I haven't missed one episode. Even if she is just a snotty little sister.

The Fellas, a crooning side-project made up of Joey Fatone, Drew Lachey, Joey Lawrence and Joey McIntyre (insert a three Joeys joke here) that we dished about last week, made their first appearance this past Thursday at the "Road to a Cure" gala in Pasadena, and the results are in: worthy enough of their own show on NBC. They belted out typical favorites: “Lady is a Tramp”, “I’ve Got The World on a String” and other classic ditties. A little birdie also told us that NBC Executive Vice President Teri Weinberg whispered her approval to William Morris agent Aaron Kaplan, co-head of network television division. She then went straight to party animal/NBC chairman Ben Silverman with news of the singing sensations, to which he replied, “Have them call me Monday,” presumably to make a deal for a new series. Other tidbits include Jonathan Silverman up on the podium reminding Ben about the importance of keeping the Silverman club alive, then begging him for a job, followed by Jason Alexander’s “We called Sarah Silverman to be here tonight but she said, f**** you.”

Ahh Sarah, even funny when she's not in the room.

Tip from the streets: Lines at several large theaters throughout LA for August Rush are gigantic tonight. We wonder if this is happening at other places this weekend and if this will mean gigantic numbers for the film on Monday. What do you think? Did you catch August Rush?

Page Six is reporting today that 90 percent of the staff at my beloved SNL has been fired due to the writer’s strike, which leaves the show with an undecided future. Call me a traditionalist, but I’m a sucker for SNL, so this news gave me the chills. Each week I dutifully look forward to Saturdays, when I am given the rare chance to stay home and curl up on the couch. The show has always just been there and has been a comforting safety blanket; from the Sprockets scaring the crap out of me in elementary school to Maya Rudolph’s dead-on impression of Donatella Versace scaring the crap out of me last week. Maybe I’m upset at this news because SNL has been part of my life since I can remember; one of those classic gems that are forever etched into your memory. Ok, that and they have insanely cute guys in the cast this season (um, Andy Samberg and Seth Meyers anyone?? It’s like Jimmy Fallon times 10!).

and, yes I know how over-used the whole "Saturday Night _____" is, but hey, it's Saturday night; I'm tired and damn upset that tonight's episode is a repeat of last week's.

UPDATE: Looks like the SNL cast is holding an impromptu live performance tonight in Manhattan, at 11:30, titled "Saturday Night Live--On Strike!" Guests will include musical guest Yo La Tengo and Superbad's Michael Cera.

You are going to die. If that wasn’t bad enough, you’ll die a slow burning death at the hands of melting ice caps, rising sea levels, extinction of the species and rapidly rising heat levels. This cheery prediction comes straight from the United Nations Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change, a Nobel Peace Prize-winning panel of scientists attempting to warn the world (and particularly Americans) that we’ve got to make some changes if we want our lease to stay current. And also, you know, not die. Presented with this dire piece of news, naturally the first thing that came to my mind was what TV shows I would watch if I was told we only had a few months of life on earth (is it wrong to spin morbid material into a good blog post? Well, too bad!). So here’s a list that’s sure to keep you busy until that large wave arrives at your front porch.

5. Chuck: Because a nerdy guy scoring all the hot chicks should give you hope that you’ll survive the 10.4 earthquake.
4. Bionic Woman: What’s more empowering than watching a tough-as-nails lady with special powers saving the earth while giant fireballs are hitting your yard?
3. Las Vegas: Anything to teach us to increase our odds of remaining alive during the 90 days of frost.
2. Heroes: Save the cheerleader, save your ass from the 160 degree heat outside.
1. Family Guy: Because when all else fails, nothing beats fart jokes and evil babies.

Actress Helena Bonham Carter, who is currently preggers with Tim Burton’s baby, is dissing the anti-caffeine naysayers [PageSix]. She tells blackbookmag.com:

People - particularly men - saying with surprise, 'You're still drinking caffeine?' as if I'm performing a criminal act on my unborn as I tuck into my treasured one-a-day cup of tea/coffee. Yeah. You try nine months of gestation and self-abnegation before you start censoring my diet. Your mother was probably on vodka, and do you have three heads?"

We did a little bit of digging on this topic, and technically she’s right. Ivillage and WebMD suggest that, although coffee intake at high levels was correlated with low birth weight, withdrawl symptoms in the newborn and even miscarriage, at low levels (under 300 milligrams a day) you’re safe. But we tend to think caffeine is generally unhealthy and we’ve always stayed away from it (I don’t particularly like that cracked out feeling or those fun chest pains), so we think Helena is kind of playing with fire and all for the sake of that peppy morning rush. Somebody should tell her about decaf Green Tea and Pilates.

It’s probably happened to you: you’re watching a random film and you catch an actor who's relatively unknown but who has that strange charismatic, je ne sais quois factor, and you think “wow, this person will go really far”. Next thing you know they’re running around France saving the earth with Tom Hanks. This recently happened to me with Amy Adams, whom I first caught in Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby as Susan, Ricky Bobby’s weirdly incestuous girlfriend (her role was kind of awkward and random but she still managed to steal several scenes). I thought she was